I know he'll do well & he's got his flat mate (originally Danish) to show him the ropes, I feel really frustrated because I'm missing him bad & he hasn't even left the country yet!

We've gotten really close in July despite him being hot & cold on me from May. It's weird when he told me he had been accepted I was genuinely happy but the question 'what about me?' entered my mind and well I left it at the back of my mind. A week later and it was finally getting to me, people in the flat talked about it and he even asked me to pack...

I don't regret our relationship even him being horrible to be and making me feel like I was the problem. After all the head banging leading up to us getting back together I wasn't got to let this go. I asked and we had the awkward silence and typical 'I dunno, i haven't thought about it.'. Seriously all men reading this, please do not use 'i dunno' as an answer as much as you don't want to upset your female friend/girlfriend/wife 'I dunno' puts us in a position of unease and we will then start behaving irrational and psycho-ish. Strangely I didn't flip, I was more withdrawn about it, I felt like he was going to hang on to me till the night before leaving, call me to say 'i'm off now, ps. it ain't working out, ta ta'.

Well he did...the first time in ages i suggested we go out, check out the new M&M land in Leicester square, boy was I in for a shock, he was grumpy at the whole idea, then when I said let's do something else he was like whatever, maybe just to get me off the phone perhaps I should have gotten the hint something was askew from his lack of communication for over a week, he would normally text/call me to do something at the weekend. Well he was quiet the whole day, hardly said a word apart from wanting to eat...then when I suggested I come back to his flat to watch a dvd, he said he needed to do his Japanese h/w...it was over. I insisted i wasn't going to leave him till he told me what was wrong i even followed him back to his flat. Then the sea of sadness engulfed me, he couldn't deal with the idea of a long distance relationship. He didn't want a virtual girlfriend. My heart sunk as I slowly absorbed all his sharp jagged words into my chest. This was it, I had to tell him how I felt - it was time for me to say what was on my mind and leave his life without regrets. i told him He'd been great the last few months and at some point I fell for him. His reaction? 'Oh bollocks.' *face palm* he didn't love me, he never did and maybe is not capable of it. I left composed, I didnt not give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears though I did well up later that evening. I felt empty, but you have to in order to make room for someone new...

A week later suddenly he's alive on facebook putting images/quotes on his tumblr of stuff that inspired him - for some reason this made me feel awesome...why did seeing this self centered guy happy make me happy? I eventually called him and said I was alright and I felt uplifted to see him pro active and still wanted to be mates and maybe meet up before he left if he had the time. I was surprised at him taking my call but not as much as he sounded when i told him I was happy for him.

It took me a few days to muster the strength to contact him again to hang out and i really did want to hang out because I didn't want the 'breakup' to be the last memory of him before he left for 2 years. After a few riddles from Carol, I plucked up the courage to contact him about meeting up and he for once instantly (3 hours later, that's quick for!!!)contacted me back saying 'Sure come round today or tomorrow, though it's quite late now...' wow the surge I felt.

I went to see him and he even bought dinner for us to eat, it was nice, it was a hot day, so we went for a walk  in the park and talked for a couple of hours, got back, watched 'Deathtube' which was amusing, I love Japanese takes on American crap Anyways though we watched the most unromantic movie in the world, he urged me to lean back and at the end, he ended up leaning his head on me. When the film ended I made a few comments about it and then I hinted at leaving and before I knew it he cuddled me This was one hell of a cuddle, lasted maybe 15mins!

After some awkward silence, i broke the cuddle and I knew I should of left but he kissed me. Gahhhhh!

We ended up taking another walk outside where he again said 'I really can't do a long distance relationship...' at this point it was quite dark in the field, I sat down then lay down, I urged him too and as I looked into the sky at the many stars I said whatever came to my lips 'Let's hang out till you leave, no labels and well stay in contact while your in Denmark and see how it goes. That's how I feel...'.

Him: 'Really, is that how you REALLY feel, your not just saying to that to make me happy.'

Me: 'Yes, that's how I feel.'

Him: 'That's what I want to do too.'

He turned towards me and hugged me.

We met up 2 or even the whole weekend up until he left and he really was a brilliant bf even though we weren't official. People asked me what was the situation and I said we were just friends however to a few ppl he said we were together, mixed signals or what?!

I really think he's going to make an effort with me now, he even suggested I visit him(a few months ago I suggested this but he said nothing). Perhaps he cares about me more now? I can only wait & see what fate has in store for me but I 'm not scared of making the first move even if that freaks him out I want him to know I care about him and I won't give up on him even though he has his big dumbass moments. I'll will visit in September let's see what happens...